Lifestyle General Midlife Crisis? Yes We Can!
Midlife Crisis? Yes We Can!

 

Now that we're in the final fever-pitched five-month lap of the Federal election campaign, I'm throwing in my ten cents worth. After all, lack of an intelligent contribution hasn't held anyone else back so far..

I'm considering running for election as the sole representative of the Mid-Life Crisis Party. This is a political movement to address the interests of the bored, disaffected middle-aged. People who once had lives but who are now in danger of following Home and Away, buying a Volvo or phoning in to talk-back radio.

They may become such empty husks that they’ll fill the void by voting for the Logies or ironing their underwear. Hell, maybe even other people's underwear. I've seen the future and it contains New Idea! Am I scared? You bet.

My election platform will be the establishment of a Ministry for Mid-Life, charged with ensuring equality of access to all the fun stuff. If we can't stay up late enough to reclaim the night, we can at least politely ask for the early evening. We’re perfectly located. New York may be the City That Never Sleeps, but Perth is definitely the Place That Prefers to Be in Bed by Ten.

Wardell-Wendy-Ms-Dec10Wendy Wardell

I'll be demanding we're given rock concerts at reasonable hours and segregated over-age areas in trendy drinking establishments. We've already seen the return of the rock bands of our youth who set aside their personal differences to hit the road. Sure, they had little choice, thanks to poor superannuation returns and their earlier reliance on nostril-based investments. But like the rest of us, they can now appreciate the need for an afternoon nanna nap and a gig that finishes before the Berocca wears off.

I'd like to see newer acts too, ones that are currently barely getting started by the time Lateline finishes and the cocoa has kicked in. If venues offered an earlier session for over 40s they could save enough on hired muscle to have St John Ambulance and an emergency chiropractor waiting in the wings. Other than an increased danger of electric shock from nylon trouser friction in the Mosh Pit what could possibly go wrong?

Our kids would of course be appalled at any idea of partying alongside our generation, and the feeling is entirely mutual. I've seen what roams Northbridge late at night and it's an assault my eyeballs can do without. I'd prefer to enjoy the vitality of the Perth pubs and clubs in the company of people who appreciate the role of a nice cardigan in their fashion wardrobe; those for whom dressing up for a night out doesn't stop at a small length of elastic.

I also want to experience again the joy of conversation conducted over a few drinks on a Sunday afternoon at a volume less than a Brian Blessed impersonation of a 747.

Rise up and join me, all you mid-lifers who aren't yet ready to wear your trousers at armpit height and get your adrenaline fix from turning Kenny G up to 7.

Vote 1 - Mid-Life Crisis Party. At least then you’ll know what kind of crisis you're electing.